Reasons, reasons, reasons, you ever notice how people always think their reason for behaving a certain way is better than your reason? We always think we are justified for doing something but the other person isn’t even though we are doing the same thing. Personally, I think it’s all bullshit.
When I was 15 years old I had traveled all the way to Garden Grove for a relative’s wedding. This was a 6 hour drive from my house which consisted of listening to Neil Diamond do a duet with Barbara Streissand over and over, some rambling on about how he doesn’t send flowers anymore. My mom was a huge Neil Diamond fan so that’s what I got when I went on road trips to southern California. I know way too much Neil Diamond for a 47 year-old man. After the wedding there was a reception at someone’s house and as usual being socially inept I spent most of my time snacking on party favors sitting by myself on the couch.
There happened to be a few kids approximately my age there and I did notice them talking across the room but I never joined them. I was not very familiar with any of them which made it more difficult for me to approach them. I just didn’t know how to get in there and start a conversation so I stayed put with my salted pretzels and rice chex and acted like I was really enjoying the fine cuisine. I just wasn’t good at making friends. That was my go to, hover around the food and stick to those I was comfortable with or just hang out by myself. I actually didn’t mind it too much. I can self-entertain rather easily.
After the reception while in my mom’s car she told me about how some of the kids had gone out for ice cream. She said that they were going to invite me but that I seemed stuck up to them. This really baffled me. My thoughts were, If I am sitting on the couch and not talking to them and they are not talking to me either then what are they bothered by? We are both doing the exact same thing to each other. I had no ill feelings towards them. I had no idea why they didn’t talk to me so I didn’t make up a reason in my head. I knew that I didn’t know and that was fine with me. In my head it was a non-issue. Why is it I am the stuck up one but you are not? People are so hypocritical.
My mom explained to me that since it was their house they expected that I would talk to them first, so that’s why I was stuck up according to them. I must admit that this is really frustrating. How come nobody told me of this social rule? How am I supposed to know this shit? I had never heard of that. Why is your reason better than my reason? I am a firm believer in following rules but if I don’t know the rule you can’t hold me accountable can you? Laws are a different thing, I know, we are responsible to know the laws of the land, I am talking about social rules. I don’t accept this rule, these kids made this stuff up. I don’t give them authority to make up their own rules and expect me to follow them.
What I learned from this is that people always want to justify their actions. It’s okay for me to do one thing because my reason is better than yours, so there, or something like that. I would never be upset at those kids for not talking to me because I didn’t talk to them either. If I wanted to I could have said that they should talk to me first because it is their house and they should be gracious hosts. The bottom line is everybody always thinks that they have a good reason. Have you ever seen a kid run up to his mom and say “Mommy, Johnny hit me for no reason.”? Bullshit, that kid had a reason to hit you. But we always see things from just our own perspective. The kid who got hit thinks there was no reason for that behavior and the violent kid thinks he was justified. And the kid who got hit for no reason always leaves out the part about how he called Johnny a name seconds before he got hit for no reason. He has a reason, I guarantee you, just ask him. I wish those kids at the party would have reserved judgement on me. They could have just asked somebody what my reason was if they were offended by my actions. And just to be clear I am not saying violent Johnny had a good reason to whack that kid but in his mind he probably did. Before you judge Johnny ask him so you get the full story.