This one was a fun one to write. It shows my humor and also gives some insight into my thought process. This story shows how my autism was an asset for me. My ability to recognize patterns turned out to be very beneficial for me. Good humor and good life lessons can be found in this story!

I was doing a lot of thinking about the importance of recognizing patterns in life. What I’m going to do is give you a quick IQ test of sorts and see if you can recognize the pattern. OK? Here we go. What number comes next in the sequence? 4,9,16,25, 36? Ready for a new one? Which of the following does not belong? Police officer, fireman, supermarket clerk, cafeteria lady, lawyer? And finally, which of the following does not belong? Wife, meat, dog, egg, blowjob? You’re dying to know right? Well, I’ll get to it. But first a little story.

My mother died nearly seven years ago and as you can imagine it was a very difficult time, not just for me but also for my wife as well. For when a loved one suffers their partners suffer with them. My mom’s death was not a quick sudden one. As a matter of fact, ten years before my mom died she told me she had six months to live. We were blessed to have that extended time with her. And she made the most of her last 10 years. She traveled a lot and made sure to do the really important things in life and that is spend time with your friends and loved ones. My wife and I had a lot of time to discuss how to handle my mother’s impending death. She gave me great advice and warned me that I needed to mend my wounds with her, to make my peace. And I did. I learned that I can not run from the situation or I would suffer for it, so I showed up for her time and time again. Another important thing I learned is how the loss of a loved one affects relationships.

One of the biggest causes of a divorce is the loss of a loved one. When couples lose a child it can be devastating and the pain is so great the couples often divorce over it, when one of them loses a parent the same result often happens. You have to be prepared for the emotional damage that this can cause. You have to know that you will be hurt, that you will react in anger, that you will take it out on your spouse. You have to know the ensuing pattern. 

I won’t provide a lot of details about her death right now becasue that will be addressed in a later chapter but I want to talk about how this pattern affected my wife and I. Sometime shortly after my mom passed my wife and I got into a pretty heated fight. Honestly, I can’t remember what it was about, because the issue was probably insignificant, the fight was about pain. We were both in a lot of pain, we both loved her and we were both grieving. So it was inevitable, we were going to blow up. It got so bad, we came very close to breaking up. Several years later we are still together, because we remembered a conversation we had about what to expect. We talked about how death tears apart relationships. In the back of our minds when the going got tough and we almost walked away from each other we recognized we were in the grips of a pattern more powerful than us. We had made a decision before her death not to make any drastic decisions within 6 months of her death. So, we put off breaking up.

I am so grateful that we were able to make the wise decision. We are still together today and we would have missed out on our own beautiful wedding, on a lovely trip to Italy, on many Christmases together and hundreds of lovely Sunday conversations over a cup of coffee had we not recognized the pattern of devastation that comes with the loss of a loved one.

Okay, so you’ve been waiting for the answers to the test. The first answer to the test is 49. 2 squared is 4,3 squared is 9, 4 squared is 16, 5 squared is 25, 6 squared is 36 so the next number would be 49. The next answer is lawyer. The rest of the people wear name badges. And finally, the last answer is blowjob. You can beat your wife, you can beat your meat, you can beat your dog, you can beat an egg, but nothing beats a blowjob.

If you enjoyed this story and can’t wait to get more you can purchase my book The Driveway Rules here!

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